Subject: ABSTRACT: 7/6/95 Conan
From: allbell@vnet.net (AL BELL)
Date: 8 Jul 95 02:42:49 GMT
Newsgroups: alt.fan.conan-obrien


Approved by the ministers of Thraxor

LATE NIGHT WITH CONAN O'BRIEN 
=============================
Episode 8,534 (in the old decimal numbering system) 

July 6, 1995 (Preview from July 4, 2025)

JOEL GODDARD 2.3: Conan told me he's going to send me to Mars.
       Sounds great. But I wonder why he set up
       that big new beef jerky dehydrator in my office . . .

NOW, HERE'S YOUR HOST, CONAN O'BRIEN!
        -The governor of Quebec wants to succeed from the
         United States because he thinks the rest of us lack culture. 
         In a related story, Thraxor wants the United States to 
         cast off any province where the people think that the 
         greatest living actor is Macaulay Culkin.
        -An exploration team found an alien spore on an asteroid.
         Now finally have a reason to go to Alpha Centauri. 
         Interstellar shrooms. (audience growns.)
              (Conan wins audience back by feeding
               his cue card to a genetically engineered
               goat/Hugh Grant hybrid.)
        -The experts want to hire more thought control engineers to 
         stop those rotten kids who get their thrills by opening 
         their space suit masks. I have an easier solution: let 
         the kids keep it up!
              (Rimshot from Max unit. Much laughter.)

WALK-OVER: "I Put Grandma on an Asteroid" 

DESK BIT: Conan and Andy talk about how July 4 used to be a holiday 
before the United States merged with Canada and Togo. Andy shows 
everyone his new glass eye. It tells jokes from Hee Haw. Conan puts 
his toupe on the desk. It tangos.

ANDY VISITS THE LUNAR AIRWORKS: A hilarious pretaped segment
showing Andy nearly suffocating three million Moon City residents.
        
        Airworks Manager Tom Snyder 4.7: I dare you to pull that lever.
        Andy: What the heck. We all know you inspect your backup systems
              daily! (pulls lever) Don't you?
        Snyder 4.7: Well, once every three Earth years...

Entertaining confusion ensues a computer reveals that the backup 
system batteries died two years ago.

COMMERCIALS (Including a Preserve deodorant commercial that mocks 
people who waste fresh water by showering each week.)

BUMPER: Conan's hair dances around Saturn's rings.

GUEST: Jay Leno
        (Reminisces about the NBC and the Earth Holonet years, then
        jokes about owning a car collection now that
        the gasoline is gone. Gets serious for a moment when he
        plugs the benefit he and David Letterman are doing for 
        for desperate 70something Baby Boomers.)

BUMPER: Low angle on Conan with the robot that refills his mug.

COMMERCIALS

BUMPER: Just past sunset over the dome that covers Manhattan.

GUEST:  Rapper/Vice Presidential Candidate Snoop Doggy Dogg.
        (He talks about how strange he finds it that he has become
        a respected member of the conservative establishment,
        praise Thraxor. He discusses the joy he feels when
        he visits senior centers and meets gray-haired ladies who used
        listen to him when they were little girls.)

BUMPER: Float out to the edge of the Solar System. We rise above the 
plane of the ecliptic and see the glorious ice rings that encircle the Sun 
between the orbits of Neptune and the next gas giant, Clintune.

COMMERCIALS: The dancing Soylent Chocolate soylents. 
Also, a public service announcement for marijuana. ("If you 
find that the transmission of electricity just one hour a 
day gets you down, you may need a mood enhancer. Call Thraxor's Office of 
Happiness and we will find the right joint to bring you 
tranquility.)

BUMPER:
        TOMORROW NIGHT: 
        Greg Kinnear and Jon Stewart, on the joys of marriage
             between heterosexual men.
        Max Spielberg, still trying to come out from under his
            legendary father Stephen's shadow
        Comedienne Sun Yi Allen
 
DESK BIT:
        50 Years From Now on Late Night with Conan O'Brien
        Conan's Skeleton: How're you doing, Andy?
        Andy's Skeleton: Great. Lying in a coffin fills me with enthusiasm.
        CS: That's what I love about you. But say, I have a bone to pick.
        AS: Oh. (looks at himself, then at audience) Which one?

BUMPER: Tight on the Max drumming

COMMERCIALS

BUMPER: Andy pedaling the bicycle that generates the power that makes the 
cameras run.


BAND: The Synapses, performing "Thoughts Too Strong" 
        (This innovative band generates music by amplifying
        the sounds brain cells make as they die from exposure
        to alcohol.)

        GOODNIGHT EVERYBODY, WE'LL SEE YOU TOMORROW!


LINER NOTES: This was one of the last episodes produced before the 
residents of Alpha Centauri arrived and set up the meat herds.